Alternative Uses for A Drumstick
by FearfulCaptainBiffElderberry
Summary: After guard practice, Sirius and Remus find out that there is more to do with a drumstick than just beat a drum. Warnings: AU SBRL Don't try this at home. Large rambling author's note.


**Disclaimer: **I only wish I owned _Harry Potter_, and was the richest woman in Britain... Unfortunately I'm not.

**Warnings:** Contains Slash, Smut, and the inappropriate use of a drumstick. I do not suggest that you try this at home!

**Author's Note:** Sorry, it's a long author's note:

So this idea came to me during a guard competition, when I was talking with a friend about something perverted near the shopping kiosk there. Well, there happened to be a rack of drumsticks, and I looked at them and thought, "You know, there's a lot of things that one could use those for..." I originally planed to use this idea to write an original band story, but I'm currently doing Script Frenzy, working on a trilogy, and working on a fanfic, and really don't have time to write that band story.

So while I was sitting in chemistry yesterday, bored out of my skull because we were taking notes, I got a flashback to this idea, and realized that Sirius and Remus could be the perfect couple for this idea. So I got out my calculator to use as a timer, since I can't use a cell phone in school (stupid rule...), and started a 20 minute time challenge. Sadly I got about halfway through when I ran out of time. Well, the title wouldn't make since there, so I decided to just keep going. So I wrote through band and still wasn't finished. I attempted to write in newspaper, but the other staffers were plotting something so I couldn't work much. Then I know better than to write during French class. So after school I had to rush home and get my stuff for guard championships, then get back to the school to load the floor, do my hair, do my make-up and get in my uniform before we took an hour drive to championships. When we got to watch a few shows I grabbed my spiral so I could try and do some writing during the shows, and didn't get anything done. Then when we preformed I dropped my sabre on my left middle finger getting a rather spectacular bruise under the nail. Sadly this is the the finger that takes most of the pressure of the pen when I write. So I just couldn't write after that. So the story didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, because by the time i got to the drumstick I forgot about the point of the story, and then had to go back and rework it in.

I also caught my leg in a chair, and scrapped about half my toenail off on the floor. So I'm not moving much today. But I learned a very important lesson. Never try to crawl over a row of chairs in an auditorium. If your foot gets stuck between the seat cushion and seat back, you can't get it back out. It took me at least a minute to get it out, and every time I shifted the wood of the chair was dug deeper into my leg. So when I finally got it out I had a chair size dent in it, and I couldn't stand on it. Sadly this was about five minutes before we went to warm up. Luckily our band director is prepared for everything, and happened to have an ice pack that made my leg bearable.

Also, I know I'm rambling but I have one last thing to say. There is nothing better than pouring yourself into a show! (yes, I know I'm a band freak) Seriously, I was in pain going onto the floor and I kept hurting myself while we were out there, but I couldn't feel anything till we left the gym. Then I felt like dying, but I will always remember that show! It was fantastic.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. Sorry, I tired and when I get tired I ramble. There will be one more rambling at the end, but for now, here's the smut... I mean story...

* * *

Sirius was in the band hall, leaning up against the music slots. Band practice had ended 10 minutes ago, and yet her was still here. It wasn't by choice of course. He normally fled after band practice, but today he had promised to give Remus a ride home.

The very same Remus, who was at the moment standing in the middle of the band hall, going over all the rifle work in the show for the 5th time! Sirius sided. He'd be here for a while.

He heard the door to the back hallway open and James sauntered up next to him.

"How many has he done so far?" He asked after a few minutes of watching Remus work.

"He just started his sixth run," Sirius replied.

"Wow," James whistled, "You're going to be here for a while."

"Yeah I know," Sirius replied, wincing as Remus dropped his rifle. After shaking his hand fa few times Remus picked it back up, and started the work over again.

"Why'd he start over?" James asked.

"**She** told him to do twenty **perfect** runs. That means no drops."

"Ouch," James voice trailed off as he watched Evans walk by with her flute. Sirius sighed, watching his friend's wandering eyes.

"Well, good luck, Moony!" James yelled, following Lily.

"Good luck yourself," Sirius growled as James exited. The prompt sound of a slap across the face echoed into the band hall. Sirius smirked, imagining how the red hand print would look on James' face.

Bu the time Remus started his tenth run Sirius was utterly bored. He had fallen asleep on the 18th. But woke up promptly when he was hit with a rifle after Remus' 20th and final run.

"Come on Padfoot," he whined, "Let's go!"

"Alright, alright," Sirius growned, wiping a trail of drool off his face. "Keep your panties on. Just let me get my stuff and I'll be ready to go."

"You mean you didn't get your stuff while I was doing my runs!"

"Nope," Sirius headed down the back hallway, "I didn't thing of that." There was a brief pause where Remus wondered rather or not to follow his friend.

"Shit!" Sirius yelled, as a loud crash emanated from the the back hallway. Remus ran to the back hallway, to find Sirius lying in a cascade of percussion equipment.

"Mr. Black," the head band director yelled through the office window, "Watch your language!"

"Yes sir!" Sirius yelled throwing a salute. Sadly he was trying to stand at the the same time, and the salute threw him off balance.

"Fuck!" He growled as his butt fell back onto a snare drum, the snares rattling sharply. The band director just glared at him, and went back to his work.

"Here, let me help you," Remus said, trying to contain his laughter. Sirius grabbed his outstretched hand, and attempted to pull himself up. Unfortunately for them, Remus wasn't prepared for the force exerted on his hand, and he promptly fell onto Sirius.

The string of curses that followed, was so bad that the band director had to leave.

"Geph. Moony, Geroff," Sirius mumbled, trying not the destroy even more of the percussion equipment. The struggled for the several minutes. Unfortunately every time Remus got half up, his foot would find something unstable had he'd topple back onto Sirius, and Sirius' ever growing problem.

"Gah!" Remus had almost made it back up, when he had stepped on a discarded music folder, and slipped again. His eyes fluttered closed as he fell again, landing back onto of Sirius. When he opened his eyes again he was looking directly into Sirius' glowing eyes, there faces just inches apart.

Suddenly Remus' lips were crashing down on Sirius'. Sirius moaned into the kiss, gently licking Remus' lips. His hands slid up Remus shirt, gently caressing there way up and down his friends lithe body. They're tongues created new and artistic dances, that only stopped when they needed to breath, and even then they only stopped for a moment.

Sirius felt cold air hit his manhood as Remus began to pull his shorts down, his fingers rubbing gently circles on the newly exposed skin.

"Wh...what if the band d...director comes... back?" Sirius managed to moan as Remus' skillful hands danced up and down his cock. Remus just shrugged,then captured Sirius' mouth in another kiss. One of Remus' hands began to wander around looking for something. When he finally found it he broke off the kiss and sat up.

He covered his fingers in the slide grease he had just found. He bent down to Sirius' cock, and gently ran his tongue up the full length of it. He smirked at Sirius' gasp. He took Sirius' length into his mouth, as he gently ran his greased up fingers around Sirius's hole.

"Wha... What is that?" Sirius asked.

"My mouth," Remus joked, removing said piece of anatomy from around Sirius.

"No," Sirius moaned, making Remus smirk again, "What's that on your finger?"

"Slide grease," Remus shrugged, dipping his head back down around Sirius' prick. When he had built a steady rhythm he slipped one finger inside of Sirius. Sirius arched at the touch, moaning loudly.

Remus continued to slide his fingers in and out of his friend until he felt he was as prepared as he was going to get. Sirius moaned at the lack of contact as Remus removed both his mouth and his fingers from Sirius' body.

"Keep you're panties on," Remus said in a fake falsetto Sirius-like voice, as he slide his own shorts down to his knees releasing his own cock from its cloth prison.

He then kissed Sirius again, and waited for the other boy to close his eyes. Smirking slightly into the kiss he reached for the other item he had grabbed a while back, and slicking it with the slide grease, gently inserted it into Sirius' opening.

Sirius gasped at the intrusion, feeling the grainy object digging into him. He was about ask what the hell Remus was putting into him, when he bit his tongue to keep from screaming.

"Do that again!" He asked looking up into Remus' face. A grin spread across Remus' face as he again stroked Sirius' prostate with the stick.

With in a few minutes he had Sirius writhing under his ministrations, calling out his name in a fluent stream of cusses. Remus upped the pleasure when he again applied his mouth to Sirius. The feeling of the tongue running up and down his length proved too much for Sirius, who was about to erupt. Remus felt Sirius tense up, and immediately removed both the stick and his mouth.

"Not yet, love," he said, as Sirius whimpered at the loss. "Don't worry," he continued, "It won't be long." He slicked himself up with the slide grease, and lined himself up. Then, like a trombone slide, he slide himself into the wonderful tight heat that was his friend.

After a few seconds, he pulled almost all the way out, then slammed back in; Sirius' hips rising to meet his own mid-thrust.

Minutes later, when they were riding out the ends of their orgasms, they heard approaching footsteps.

"The band directors back!" Sirius hissed, pushing himself up on his arms. Remus hurriedly pulled out, and pulled his own shorts back up around his waist, as Sirius struggled with his own pair. Together they managed to stand up.

They had just managed to stand up, when the band director arrived.

"Hurry up boys," he said, "Put the drums back up. I want to go home." Sirius and Remus nodded, and hurried to do just that, before quickly gathering they're stuff and leaving the school.

The next day, when they entered the guard closet through the back hallway they saw the percussionists getting the drums back out. Sirius smirked, remembering what had happened there the previous day.

"Ew," one of the percussionist said, "What's all this white stuff all over my drum?" Sirius burst out laughing, while Remus turned bright red.

"Guess we should have cleaned up better," Sirius whispered in Remus' ear, his hand barely brushing up the other boy's spine. Remus just bit his lip and nodded.

"Ugh!" They heard Snape shout from the hallway, "Why is there grease all over my drumstick?!" Remus turned an even brighter shade of red.

"Prolly from your hair Snivellus," Sirius barked, trying to hold back his laughter, knowing the real reason the stick was greasy.

* * *

**Author's Note (again):** So sorry to bore you with another note, but this one won't be quite so long this time. I simply want your opinion. I was thinking about it, and I've seen band fics, but I've never seen a guard fic. While I know that the guard is mentioned in most band fics, I have this idea for one which is an AU SBRL and JPLE that revolves almost completely around the color guard. It'd be a lot like this fic and my JamesSirius one, only with a plot, and probably more inappropriate uses for band related stuff. I already have it mostly planned out in my head, but I mostly just want to know if anyone would read it. Thanks!


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